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Then he was pulling me to my feet.I stood unsteadily, feeling fluid running down my innerthighs, not knowing it was his sperm or my blood, buttoo afraid to look.The he said, ‘That’s rape, real rape. It’s what youwanted.’Nodding yes, I wanted it, I knew that and he knew itand his friends knew it. The pain and the violation,the cold and the rough dirty ground, the humiliation ofbeing almost naked in front of a group of guys while mybody was being used for the pleasure of my attacker andthere is nothing I can do to stop it. ***I wake up later. I’m at home. Tears well up, I rememberthe smell. Fear strikes deep into my soul.But it’s not real.On the couch with him, wrapped in a blanket him holdingme. ‘Was that enough?’ he is asking.‘More than enough,’ I reply, still shaking. Wonderingwhy I’d wanted it, what it was about me that made me dothings… things that no other girl would ever eventhink of… ‘It was only. I lived in a secret world where I couldn't reveal my sexual encounters to anyone I wasn't sucking, or my identity to anyone I was.Couldn't tell my buddies at work: 'God, I took a massive load all over my face last night.'Couldn't tell my best friend: 'Man, I ended up at a hotel with three college basketball players and sucked all three for over an hour while they played basketball on their Xbox.'Couldn't tell my wife about my amazing accomplishment: 'Sweetheart, I deep throated a black cock for the first time.'I was a lonely cock sucker.Yes, I still fucked my wife.Yes, we both still enjoyed it.But I desperately wanted someone to talk to about my secret side.I tried other online sex sites, mostly with large dollops of disappointment, and eventually ended up on Grindr.The site was okay.A pic of my chest was good enough to get responses... although often they were just from fellow cock suckers.I did find a few cocks though. Including once, out of desperation, one in my own city, albeit.
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